The Miriam-Webster explains familiarity as the absence of ceremony: informality. This is when you become used to your partner.
Familiarity will not only quench your marriage bliss and the euphoria you once had as newlyweds, but it will also destroy your ability to recognize the strength and uniqueness of your spouse. This will be the breathing ground for insensitivity and selfishness in your relationship.
In Marriage Uniqueness I explain the following: “The marriage that is truly effective has the humility and reverence to recognize their own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with their spouse”. Familiarity breeds contempt: a feeling of worthlessness.
As married couples we must fight against the disease of familiarity. To be too familiar with your spouse will develop an attitude of unchecked selfish behaviour. These blind spots in your relationship will create a lot of frustration and unnecessary conflict. Familiarity will over-emphasize your contribution and undervalue your spouse’s contribution towards this relationship. This immature approach in affect will not lead to mutual reward but mutual destruction.
Marriage was designed by God for synergism to flow. The question is: what is synergy in marriage? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Whenever a couple become too familiar with one another, they will miss out on mutual reward. Two people’s joint effort is far better than one person’s effort alone; and that will lead toward mutual reward.
How can we then overcome familiarity in our marriage? On the journey of discovery of your marriage uniqueness, familiarity will be addressed, and this will cause a new feeling of love and security. A new discovery of your spouse’s strengths and uniqueness will cause you to celebrate him/her again.
I want to encourage you to take pro-active steps to break the familiarity in your marriage that breeds contempt. Cultivate an atmosphere of worth and respect.
